Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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