soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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