i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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