My hand turned me down
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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