so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize