your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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