Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
