I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize