I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
