it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
