Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
