It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
