careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
