i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
