I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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