Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
