Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
