living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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