dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
