i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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