She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
bring money and cleavage
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
