White coat. Heels.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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