Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
