I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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