My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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