my vag is so smooth its legendary
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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