I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't think brook has ever known best
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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