What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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