I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
