I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You made out with two different species that night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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