what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
