Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize