You smell like stripper and shame
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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