the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
