Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
