Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
