Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
