I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
