i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think your dad took our porno
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
