If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
do nipples grow back?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
