Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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