Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
