Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
