Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
