Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
