I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
