Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
