So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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