she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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