Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
