Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
