I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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