i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
