So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
