put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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