I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
