That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
