I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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