im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
