we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
