thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
