Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's never too late to be topless.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
