i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
