Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
