so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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