He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
