i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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