making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
