Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
