He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
