dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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