Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
