woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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