My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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