Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
