I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
