I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
