She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
