Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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