Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
