I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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