walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
