I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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