I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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