either way he was missing a nipple.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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